Reflecting back on most of my life,
I had role models that really weren’t role models.
Rappers, entertainers, athletes, they were my role models,
But those aren’t people I was ever going to meet.
Repeating songs word for word of big name rappers,
Wanting to live the life that they had, big houses and flashy cars.
I thought of wanting to be a rapper and be on television,
Women would want me, life in the fast lane and big bank accounts.
Meanwhile I couldn’t read a damn thing until high school,
I just got by and made pretend I knew I could read.
I didn’t have a male figure to look up to,
If you want to count my drug dealing uncles, that’s cool then.
If you want to say the drug dealers in my neighborhood,
And the gangbangers then hey, to each its own.
I didn’t have a good role model until high school,
My guidance counselor didn’t give up on me.
He was like an angel that was sitting on my shoulder,
I could hear his voice in my head all of the time.
And go in my house and take care of my brother and apply myself academically.
I had no direction or mental focus in my life as far as I was concerned,
No longer caring for my life and just wanting to die a lot of days.
But my little brother was looking up to me as a role model,
I knew I was under pressure to always do the right thing at all times.
Being two years apart isn’t that much of a difference so he watched me,
I guess my drug dealing days was eventually seen by him.
Even though I tried to hide it from him, he was smart and keen to things,
He knew the deal, as he would start waking up at 3am as he got older.
He knew where I was by looking out the window of my building,
He can see me on the corner slinging crack to the feens who wanted it.
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