The Vast Landscape

Today, I forgo the dark and leave her buried beneath weightlessness of the water.

I turn over, releasing all memory, and dive deep beneath the salty, clean water, refreshing the skin and rebirthing the soul. I leave the bad above the surface. I am mesmerized by the white; water cloud patterns dancing, created by the sun and clouds a million miles away. I hear music playing in my head, a soft, sweet melodic tune, both somber and haunting.

I dance, swim, and float gracefully like a dolphin. Lost in the moment, I almost forget I need air to breath, and swim to the top. I rest just long enough to replenish my lungs and return to the freest, quietest, most happy place I know. Oh my, my father is there, right there sitting and watching. So close I could almost reach out and touch him. “Hi Daddy, I miss you so. Can you please come back, so we could do it all over again? Live a life together, with you? “ He’s young, strong, handsome. A strapping man, sitting and watching us swim. He’s laughing, so happy to be home. You were always smiling Daddy; you made everyone’s life filled with so much color. Mommy, you look so pretty, so full of life with your protruding belly. Your belly is huge, and lovely with me in it. Look at Daddy, rapt with emotion. He’s so proud to be married to you and have this family. He can’t see me yet, or the life that will come, but I see him clearly, in colors brighter than blues above. I want to stay in this place, this space, and this rapture memory. I want to stay stalled in this moment forever. I can’t bear it.

Swimming, I meditate, on the gift of imagination and mystic powers, unknown. Touching my Mala beads, grateful for this day, and the life I have been given. I bask in the beautiful, swoosh and sway of the calm, aqua blue. I am not even here, a mere concept; the fortuitous dream conjured up by a man and his lady.

In utero.