The Art of Good Enough

11
Full Body Awareness

On the website of the National Organization for Women (NOW), I found the following statistics: 17

• 40–60 percent of elementary school girls are concerned about their weight.

• At age thirteen, 53 percent of American girls are “unhappy with their bodies.”

• This grows to 78 percent by the time girls reach age seventeen.

• 45.5 percent of teens report considering cosmetic surgery; 43.7 percent of women over age sixty report considering cosmetic surgery.

Why aren’t we happy with our bodies? The reasons are deeply rooted in our beliefs.

First, we believe there’s a golden standard for feminine beauty ideal. If we don’t meet the criteria, we aren’t attractive. In middle school, the prettiest girl on campus was the image of an ideal body. As we grow, we see more and more gorgeous celebrities in mass media to confirm the belief.

If beauty can come with different skin tones, hair, and eye colors, why can’t it be in different sizes? I’m only five feet three inches tall. Standing next to the tall and slim Kendall Jenner (my niece’s biggest idol), I’d look like a dwarf.

I had reached my full height by age eleven. Back then, I was the first girl in our class to have round breasts. I tried to cover them up because the other girls were all flat-chested. I wanted to be just like them. It was especially inconvenient to compete in the 100-meter dash with two watermelons hanging on my chest.

I have a naturally small waist. Childbirth made my hips grow wider, so as a result, I now have an hourglass figure. I make sure I dress in the way that accentuates my feature.

Second, we like to compare. Imagine you are invited to a party where you don’t know anyone other than the host. What’s the first thing you do when you arrive? You look around and analyze the people you see. Are they better looking, younger, dressed nicer? The more attractive they look, the more miserable you feel about yourself.

My husband once brought me to a party where we were obviously underdressed. The people were friendly, but I felt self-conscious the whole time. My husband, though, didn’t seem to notice anything. He cracked jokes with strangers and had a great time. When we drove home, I asked him why he wasn’t concerned that we weren’t as dressed up as others. “Why?” he said. “It’s not like we intended to upset anyone. They misinformed me. Don’t keep thinking about yourself. Focus on other people, get them to talk about themselves, and you’ll blend in well.”

Third, we believe we can’t be beautiful if our bodies are flawed. Do you know even supermodels have insecurities? Check out the TED Talk by supermodel Cameron Russell. 18 You’ll learn that as gorgeous as the runway stars are, they are the most insecure people on the planet. No one is perfect, indeed.

Enough with the serious soul searching; now let’s do a total body scan.

Find the biggest mirror you have at home and strip naked when no one is around. Examine your whole body as if you are seeing it for the first time. Stopping staring at the body parts you hate the most. Inspect the areas you have paid little attention to for years. Run your fingers on those parts of your skin and take in how different your touch feels. Instead of picking on your flaws, identify the areas that look good to you. Maybe you have toned arms, shapely legs, a firm butt, or full breasts. Think of ways to make them look better with flattering clothes. A properly fitted bra will magically lift your assets while tricking the eyes into believing you have a smaller waist. If you’re happy with your neckline, wear a little V neck with a necklace that compliments your eye color. Suddenly you look sophisticated and charming.

I have masculine calves. For years I hated them, and I never wore skirts during my younger years. One day, a woman on the street commented on how nice my calves looked. I was shocked. When I realized her compliment was genuine, I realized how ridiculous I had been about my body. Even though I still can’t fit into most of the knee-high boots, I bought the wide-calved ones online. Now I wear dresses almost every day. It has become my signature style.

Remember what I said in Chapter 2: it’s much more satisfying and effective to enhance our strengths than to improve our weaknesses. The same principle applies to your body. Give love to the parts of your body you have neglected for so long. Learn to look for beauty within you and make it shine. We are all beautiful in our own ways. It’s time to switch the lens we have been looking through.

Pay attention to how you walk. Is your back straight, eyes looking ahead? Are your shoulders relaxed or scrunched up? Are you dragging your feet as you walk as if you’re carrying an invisible load on your back? Examine the bottoms of your shoes to see how uneven your steps are. Learn to stand up; your body deserves a proper posture. When you stand up straight, you’ll look taller and slimmer, and even breathe better.

Inspect your skin. If it’s dry and rough, consider applying body lotion every day right after the shower while the skin is still moist. Within a week, you’ll notice how much softer and smoother your skin becomes.

Stop wearing ill-fitted clothes and shoes. Don’t age your body beyond your years. If you see the grooves on top of your shoulders, you’ve been wearing bras too small for you. Get measured the next time you go shopping. You’ll look so much better with a well-fitted undergarment. All the unsightly bulges your old bra created will disappear immediately. Talk about an instant transformation.

There’s More to Beauty than Your Looks

The way you look on the outside is only part of what makes you beautiful. Pay attention to your unhealthy eating habits. Stop abusing your body with all the chemicals from drug use, chain-smoking, and excessive drinking. When I took anatomy class in graduate school, I saw a man who had died of lung cancer. His lungs looked like a charred cardboard box, filled with scar tissues and holes. It was a horrific sight. Don’t wait until you have to tow an oxygen tank around before you consider quitting.

If you rely on chemicals for your emotional relief, realize they’re not the permanent fix. Masking your feelings doesn’t make problems go away. Tackle the root cause of your problem instead. It takes courage, and it takes time. Be strong for your kids. What you do to yourself affects how they treat themselves. Think of their future and make the right choice. You want to live a long and healthy life to meet your grandchildren, even your great-grandchildren.

Before you do anything to your body, think about the long run. How could it affect you twenty, thirty years down the road? Does it align with your values, or is it just a way to express your frustration? We all live through difficulties in life. It’s what we do that makes us who we are. Think about the person you always wanted to be and act as if you were that person. Life is easier if you focus on making the right choice each day.