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Evelyne Bathilde Michaut
a book bubble about
The Goddess Guide to Divorce: A Memoir
Literature & Fiction
Author Insight
Writing for Love
I could have stopped at the realization. I could have just gone to my therapist, and gone on with my steady life. But no, I could not. The story was shaking me daily, demanding to be written. It would not let me rest. Because of this story, I dismantled the then most important relationship of my life (with the father of my children!) I spent every cent I earned from the flash sale of our family home. I dedicated myself to writing, then to slogging through editing, every day for months. I even did MDMA! Complete square me! in order to access and release memories for this book. I did *not* look for a regular job. I did *not* pursue agents and publishers - the story was kicking me in the guts, demanding to be birthed into the world, today, not tomorrow, not on someone else's timeline. I did the best I could, amidst financial worries and housing crises, to love this story. To honor it. To publish it. This book is a true labor of love.
Book Excerpt
The Goddess Guide to Divorce: A Memoir
chapter fifteen
Realizations

sat on the floor and took a mythical breath.
Tears and breath washed me over and over and I realized halfway through the flood that I was crying for relief, and for gratitude.
I am not crazy. I am not unstable fickle irrational hyper-emotional ungrateful or any of the adjectives I have internalized from my dad to judge my own seemingly erratic behavior of bouncing around the world and from man to man. I have had, actually, quite the rational attitude of the survivor. I lived in fight-or-flight all these years, running away from my perpetrator physically and emotionally, putting as much distance as I could and IT ALL MAKES SENSE!
I am so grateful for this extraordinary re-envisioning of my life.
My father hasn’t just “crossed some boundaries” as Jasmine had astutely pointed out. He full-on sexually molested me when I was a little girl.
And I survived.
*
I dove into healing. Single-mindedly, radically. A full-time job. I felt such a sense of responsibility toward my boy—toward humanity, in fact. I refused to be a bad actor in society, to let unconscious programs run me and cause harm around me. Ahimsa—the first of the five Yamas of yoga—is to do no harm. In order to do no harm, I had to become conscious of all that made me—including the really nasty stuff that had caused me to make bad decisions in the past and hurt people.
I was going to figure my shit out if it killed me.
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