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A few years ago, I was awarded a Professional Development Course for artists. Part of the homework was to write an Artist Statement. I worked and worked; polishing an eliminating, until I only had the kernel that was “me.” When I read it out; I was told: “That’s what everyone would say.”
I got tired of being known as just “Doug,” or “Oh, him,” or “If he’s coming; I’m not going,” and decided to remake my image — “Doug the Beloved” [the guy who used to be just “him.”] I was just about to announce this, when there was a Pandemic and the bar was closed — why does this sort of thing always happen to me?
February 23, 2021
One good joke deserves another, and agricultural nutrient plans are about as useful "as a screen door in a submarine." Try out some of these nutrient plan jokes at your next barbecue [when the wind changes]:
Q: "How many nutrient plans does it take to screw in a light bulb?" A: "Forget it, they're useless."
Q: "What's brown and aqua and smells like bleach in a toilet?" A: "A nutrient spill in your swimming pool."
Q: "What did the nutrient plan say to the impaired lake?" A: "It's only a plan."
Q: "Why is a nutrient plan like a politician?" A: "They both make promises they know they won't fulfill."
Nutrient Plans are the only solution for agricultural pollution that factory farmers and politicians offer to the rural community. This 35 page book overflowing with derisive humor shows how much respect the rural community has for them.
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