I am taking a leap of faith into the unknown and the uncertainty of who I am or who I want to be. It is not courage that has pushed me across this threshold into the middle of the woods but panic. I am afraid of being alone, of the voices of others, of my own voice. I need to get away from all that has held me strangled, the emptiness, the buried hurt, and all the reminders of what I have lost and am losing.
Most of my family and friends especially my mother think I have lost my mind, gone crazy even. I hope not. Strangers think I am brave and courageous. I am not. I am panicked and scared but I am finally being responsible to myself even if it means being irresponsible in the eyes of others. I am relieved. I am at peace with my decision.
I have given away just about everything I own. I have kept only personal and sentimental items. I am walking away leaving unfinished business I can’t resolve or handle. I don’t care if I lose everything else that is left because in reality what does it all matter anyway?
Mid-life and all its changes has handed me the opportunity to step away from my life and away from the world to journey into all the hidden depths of myself and to begin to unravel the past that has held me down, rendered me empty and invisible. All I know is that I am breaking free of the chains that have held me tight. And so I am leaping without looking and am heading deep into the woods out into the unknown hoping to find myself and to begin a new life.
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