How Not To Pull Your Family Apart

Jodi meets a longtime friend for coffee. She notices that her friend looks worn out. She knows her story. Her friend’s parents were unprepared for a long-term care event. It just tore their family apart. She felt guilty that, at the time, she was not more helpful. It’s such a tough subject to address. Although her own family was moving towards planning and peace of mind by using the three steps, Jodi had just listened quietly and didn’t offer her friend any advice. She didn’t want to sound like a know-it-all, or worse, judgmental.

Noticing how more relaxed and healthier Jodi looks, her friend asks, “You look great! You must have a secret about how to handle being the parent to your parents.”

“We discovered three basic steps to start the conversation, and importantly, to continue without actually lecturing anyone or making my parents feel as if they are a problem to be handled. I suggest you and your brother try it. Makes you feel saner.”

Her friend is desperate. “I’ll talk to my brother about it. Somehow, he seems to think that the help and funding my Mom’s care needs will just fall out of the sky.”

“You sound angry,” Jodi responds honestly. “Maybe consider that he simply may not know about a more workable option?”

Her friend, to Jodi’s surprise, considers the possibility, but then flatly states, “Well, we’ll see if he, or for that matter, his wife will consider discussing options.”

Jodi continues to encourage her friend, “Maybe letting them know about the three steps will lead them to see there are affordable, workable approaches or alternatives.”

Her friend’s tone reveals some bitterness, “Even if we only do a couple of the steps, maybe I will feel more in control and able to get some help. After all, we still have our aging father to worry about. I’m not at all sure our relationship will survive another difficult, stressful situation.”

“Don’t feel bad, I tried to do it all on my own too. Thank goodness my kids pointed out what it was doing to me and generations above and beneath me. After reviewing various options together, we consulted with several specialists, and to everyone’s relief, we got things planned out.”

Conceding the relationship with her friend’s brother and his wife is already strained, Jodi quickly adds, “You may need to seek an advisor to run through a list of options if family tensions are running too high. That way, it is a third party carving a path to sanity. We were lucky that each of our CPT members wanted to participate and contribute.”

“Your CPT? What’s that?”

Jodi air hugs her friend. “Get the book, How Not To Pull Your Family Apart. You’ll see.”