How Not To Pull Your Family Apart

Jodi continues to state her case to her children. “Sixty-two percent of caregivers who participated in the AgingCare.com survey say the cost of caring for a parent has impacted their ability to plan for their own financial future. Why would we risk doing that to you when we have other options?”

Nicole, looking pensive, tries to wrap her head around why her parents are sharing this research. “So, what you’re saying is that the age of a family member isn’t the decisive factor but rather the serious consequences of not planning that you want to avoid, for all of us? So, what exactly are you suggesting?”

“Dad and I want to redo the three steps.”

Erik, not aware of the potentially numerous available options, teases, “So, you and Dad intend to pay off your mortgage or maybe use Dad’s veteran benefits?”

Jodi fakes an admonishing glance. “Since Dad and I are younger than your grandparents and in relatively good health, there are many other options for us to consider. We know you would not hesitate to disrupt your lives and your careers to be our caregivers. And maybe you don’t want to picture us seriously incapacitated due to an accident or illness, or aging into the same stage of care needs as your grandparents, but that just isn’t smart.”

Jackson, characteristically, is more forceful in his approach. “We saw what caregiving did to Mom, and how it stressed all of us. We simply do not want that for you. Here’s what we will do. Let’s arrange a series of Zoom calls since that worked pretty well before. Meanwhile, Mom and I will complete Step One and let you know our plans for Step Two.”