How Not To Pull Your Family Apart

It’s Never Just One Thing

It’s the continuum of care that can overwhelm. Whether it’s a sudden need or one that slowly morphs, it’s never just one thing. Caring for someone is multifaceted, often overwhelming and rarely follows a predicable schedule. As we have seen, the cost of care is not predictable either. We discuss our hopes and plans for how we would like to live out our lives-until it comes to planning for extended care. It’s never just one little thing that stops us. Having had a similar experience, my good friend Suzanne shared her story with me. She never spoke to her father about his extended care needs. As his care needs became more evident, doing so became more complicated. It’s never just one thing that stops the conversation. It’s that: • talking about that very topic seems to upset and scare everyone, • asking family members what they know about documents or his wishes was ill-timed, • the fear of offending someone’s idea of what should or shouldn’t happen blocks important conversation, • wondering how bills will be paid seems insensitive, • a million other unspoken issues makes necessary conversations unlikely and difficult. She said the situation grew more and more tense. Especially for her father. There was no plan in place. The ending of the story isn’t pretty. Her dad passed. Chaos ensued. Anger grew. Expenses piled up. All communication is strained. A plan could have avoided all that!