Over the phone Jacob asked, "Quip, do you still have that facial recognition/identification program on ICABOD, though I cannot think of any reason you’d remove it?"
Quip responded, "Of course. You have something you need me to run? Just send me a digital photo and I'll run it. Is something going on? You sound off, my friend.”
Jacob answered, "I don't have a picture of her, but she looks like Petra's evil twin. I mean almost exactly like her except with dark hair cropped short to her shoulders, and a sensual voice complete with a Russian accent that I rightly placed from Ukraine, maybe around Kharkov or Kiev."
Quip asked, in his usual deadpan voice, "So you want me to hunt down some babe you met at a gentleman's club? Let me guess, she was in the ultimate vacuum packed pants with no VPL, a spray-on top with no bra and her head lights on? Does that about cover it?”
Jacob was distracted replaying Zara’s image in his mind but managed to ask, "Uh, no VPL?"
Quip, pleased to have derailed the conversation, stated, "Yes, no visible panty lines. Anything else you can tell me about your exotic dancer? Did you happen to see what color her eyes were or were you completely distracted by the fact her head lights were on?”
Jacob, in a thoroughly annoyed voice, replied, "I wouldn’t be in that type of club without you, so back off.
“She said her name was Zara, just before all the computers in the city tax office got infected with a computer virus. She was also clothed, be it ever so trashy. Not at all like my elegant Petra. Up close there were lines around her eyes and very faint, almost scarring near her ears close to her jawline.
“Also she didn’t have a blouse on, per say. What she had was painted on to distract all the males and outrage any females,” Jacob admitted upon reflection.
Quip thought for a moment and then asked, “So you know the old joke about the attractive female who goes into the gambling casino and asks to place $5,000 on a single spin of the roulette wheel? She convinces the pit boss to accept her bet, but she insists on being naked because it is very lucky for her. The croupier looks at the pit boss, and they both agree to one spin of the roulette wheel while she is buck naked. When the marble stops, she is jumping up and down, hugging everyone, and shrieking, ‘I won, I won’. She gathers up her winnings, then her clothes and goes to cash out. The pit boss turns to the croupier and asks what the marble landed on. The croupier responded with ‘I thought you were watching the table.’
“So she went topless but painted and nobody noticed the deception. Am I right?”
Jacob said, “I did see her eyes. They were dark brown.”
Quip grinned and then asked, “What kind of earrings did she have?”
Jacob said, “They were a pretty pink stone, I think.”
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