The Enigma Ignite

Juan stared dumbfounded at Julie and asked, “You want me to fly out a what? People, I get. Contraband, I get. Drug dealers and their money, I get. Beautiful fashion models, I definitely get. But I don’t get flying out a pig. What is this, some little pig that someone has as a pet or what?”

Julie continued in a soothing tone, “Franklin is considered a special test subject pig that weighs in at one hundred and thirty five kilos. I understand him to be well mannered and well liked, which is why he is part of the extraction. I will need to bring him along, and I need your cooperation. So why is this a problem for a man that can fly anything?”

“Well, for one thing, this plane doesn’t belong to me. I don’t want it smelling like a barnyard after the exercise is over because then I would have to explain to Lara or, worse, her father so they won’t freak-out.”

“Ok, so we will put down newspaper and bathe him before we leave. Maybe we even get some Ode de Barnyard cologne that will leave a nice scent after we are done. You know, with sort of an earthy quality to it, so as not to be too sweet.”

Juan looked like he was clearly about to be overtaken by a panic attack as he struggled to calm down. “I’m…I’m…I’m not ok with this plan. I am many things, but a flying cattle car is not one of them. Julie…I…you’re going to have to think of another way to get them out.”

Julie sensed the turmoil inside Juan, shifted slightly to better align their skin, cranked up her smile a notch, then crooned in a very sultry voice, “You’re quite sure that there is nothing I can say or do that might persuade such a handsome man to lend his powerful physique and exquisite charm in an errand of mercy to pilot a group to a destination of safety? If I could but persuade you somehow that your efforts would yield such gratitude that no favor would or even could be refused?”

Juan stared blankly at her for a moment then asked, “Am I svelte too? I’ve always wanted to be called svelte.”

She sensed he was collapsing like a cheap folding lawn chair as she soothed, “Juan, my darling, you are a handsome, powerful, charming, witty, well bred, suave, debonair, and svelte male, that no female can possibly resist.”

The wheels in Juan’s head now moved at the same velocity as the particle accelerator in Cern, Switzerland, as he chimed in, “You know, a few newspapers and a bath with a little Ode de Barnyard Cologne and no one will be the wiser.