The Enigma Gamers - A CATS Tale

He numbly asked, “This is the wheel of misfortune? Tell me you’re not going to put on some slinky evening gown with high heels and spin it to see what kind of gaming motif we are going to operate under. Why can’t we just play the last game style again?”

Dmitry grinned wolfishly and responded, “A true gamer is always looking for new experiences, my dear Chairman! This digital wheel of misfortune automatically removes the last game we’ve finished, so there is no chance of having it come up on the spin result. We can repeat any game if we both want to.

“It spins at a press of the center button. However, if you prefer to have a female launch the wheel of misfortune, I can have Evgeniya, my secretary, play dress-up to suit you. I mean, she’s got to be easier on the eyes than Konstantin, with that closely cropped beard that doesn’t stop at his neck but travels all the way to the tops of his feet. The strapless dress just wouldn’t work with all that body hair on his back. It would be like someone putting a Great Dane hound into the evening dress. Ugh! Of course, she isn’t much better.”

Sighing, Chairman rested his head forward on the fingertips of his left hand and closed his eyes, as he desperately tried to purge the disgusting imagery now everlastingly burned into his memory banks.

He sighed again then pleaded, “Can you just spin the wheel without the vulgar analog human props?”

Dmitry brightened and enthusiastically replied, “I thought you’d never ask! Here she goes!” After several revolutions, the pointer on the wheel came to rest on their next gaming title, Scavenger Hunt. Dmitry’s eyes lit up as if he really was in a game show.

Dmitry triumphantly announced, “Scavenger Hunt! I’ve never played this one! I hope it’s as good as Prisoner for a Day! Now that was a game! Dodging the 130 kilogram drug addicts in the same cell that are all coming down from a detoxification heroin high and indiscriminant sexual rampage in a co-ed school! Whoa! Come on, Chairman, we have to set up our Avatars to hunt for everything on the list coming up on the next screen.

“Here are the rules of engagement, Chairman. You might consider printing them if you read as slowly as you did on the last game. Once those are agreed to, then the shopping list and the associated points will appear. Then I will launch the observer window to the game environment, for game on!

“Before I do that, how many hours to you want to set this for? Twelve hours, 36 hours, or 72 hours? And don’t forget we don’t stop the game in progress for potty breaks, so either have a container to go into, a tourniquet to apply to the situation, or your back-up player who can fill-in for up to two hours total in a given game.”

A very sullen Chairman curtly replied, “I have great bladder control unlike some younger males I know. Set it for twelve, and we can extend to 36 at hour eleven if agreed, correct?”