The Enigma Broker

“Alright, I have to know. Is this one filled with petroleum jelly, like the one you used to smoke out the thief?”

Stalker chortled slightly and offered, “She was certainly clever at stealing them, but old Arlette never knew what hit her when she bit into all that petroleum jelly. Woohoo, what a yelp and torrid confession that was. She was going to report me, until I asked her who she thought they would write up, ‘The petroleum jelly donut maker or the thief?’ We never got along real well after that, now that I reflect on it.”

Eric almost smiled as he bit into the donut while watching Stalker. Eric then stated, “I’m glad you whacked her that day. What a piece of work she was.”

He seemed far away as he savored the jelly donut.

Eric softened a little and continued, “I’m glad you’re here, old friend. We have a new situation that has been brought to me by our think-tank people.”

With something of a puzzled look on his face, Stalker asked, “Uh, the Quants?”

Eric clucked his tongue and flatly corrected, “No, those are the mathematical wizards of mass destruction on Wall Street. I’m talking about a bunch of highly cerebral Asperities that seldom venture out of their backroom. The backroom that is fully lined with whiteboards and where all their meals are brought in so they don’t have to socialize with anyone. You know the kind; if you try to talk to them they stare at their shoes until you ask them about something they care about. The really aggressive ones stare at your shoes, until you ask about their work.”

The blank look on Stalker’s face amused Eric, who continued, “What our think-tank has come up with is a high correlation with the sinking commodity market prices and some highly influential but as yet unknown Dark Matter Organizations or DMOs as they have now been dubbed. These are nefarious organizations currently undetected but presumed to exist based on cause and effect Quantum Economics. Just because we can’t see them doesn’t mean they don’t exist. It is theorized that they are manipulating the commodity market status quo to further their own agenda.”

Now managing to reel in his disbelief, Stalker finally responded, “Gee, Eric, I haven’t used a slide rule in years. Worse, my knowledge of Quantum Mechanics was at best underwhelming. I have no idea what Quantum Economics is, so I’m not sure what any of this has to do with me. I hunt for bad guys or good guys that have been nabbed by bad guys. I don’t navigate through economic theory.