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Blue Evergarden
a book bubble about
Diaries of a Borderline
Literature & Fiction
Author Insight
She Still Keeps a Piece of the Dream
There are dreams we stop trusting without ever actually letting them go. We tuck them somewhere small. Carry them through the noise. Pretend we have made peace with never reaching them. I think that is what she is doing here. The magenta fields keep disappearing. Her thoughts get loud enough to steal her bearings. Even her reflection becomes somewhere she can get lost. And still— she holds the last bits of her dreams close. That line matters to me because hope does not always look hopeful. Sometimes it looks like keeping one impossible thing alive while everything inside you argues that it was only ever a mirage. She is desperate for a drink of light, but she has not stopped weaving gold from darkness. That contradiction lives all through Diaries of a Borderline. A girl can be exhausted by hope and still protect it. She can doubt the dreamland and still ache for it. She can lose her bearings without losing every reason to keep walking. If there is something beautiful you stopped believing in but never quite stopped carrying, you may recognize yourself somewhere in her magenta fields.
Book Excerpt
Diaries of a Borderline
She wears discomfort on her sleeves.
She hides more than she’s letting on.
She dreams of fields of magenta swaying in autumn’s wind just before the first snow.
Her breath is hot like a desert.
She sees these mirages appear like ghosts.
She wears discomfort on her sleeves.
These menacing phantoms smile in her shadow.
Their voices discombobulate her.
She gets dizzy when the thoughts get loud.
She can’t find her bearings when the magenta fields turn to bone, and she’s left staring into her broken reflection, daydreaming of a dreamland she’ll never know.
The monsters swathe the fields of grain, seeding her hope to her heart.
She holds the last bits of her dreams close, daring to taste life.
Still she sings the songs of her ancestors, weaving gold from darkness.
She’s desperate for a drink of light.
Magick falls from her eyes.
She sometimes can’t tell what’s a mirage and what is real.
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