If you've been asking yourself questions about why it seems that we just can't get it right in our relationships, and you want more, this is the blueprint to help you navigate during your search. In this book the author uses his life experiences, and those of several men and women of different ethnicities, ages, and cultures to give relationship advice to both sexes. The author has travelled the world and put in over 5 years of research travelling to over 25 countries discussing these topics. The Truth provides answers to today's most pressing issues about relationships, and lays out the roadmap to help you navigate. This book will appeal to readers interested in relationships self-help books.
Songwriter, Music producer & engineer, graphics designer, NOTHING that screams author. Father of 2 boys and a girl, Husband, and now Author. Never intended to become an author it just sort of happened. I've been playing the piano since about 7. Moving into the next phase of my life helping people with their relationships.
There are lots of moving parts in a relationship, and they all need to be "greased" to continue working properly. This is from Chapter 8 "Sex and Intimacy which talks about the physical love between you and your spouse.
The Truth: Keepin' It 100
Ladies, just because a guy says he loves you during sex, or he says this to get you to have sex with him, look at it for what it really is. Some women feel that if you have sex with them, you must love them, or you must be in love with them. If it’s with anyone other than someone you’ve been with for at least five years, or are married to, it’s probably just a sex thing. Men and women look at sex and intimacy very differently. Being sexually promiscuous is becoming more accepted these days, especially since people are having sex at younger and younger ages. There’s a big difference between making love and having sex. The difference is the connection you have with the person you are having sex with. Ladies very often get sidetracked by good sex, and of course this happens to guys all the time. Ladies, you feel so good, and you can make a guy feel like a million bucks, so you shouldn’t be mad when a guy gets “thirsty.” Go back to chapter one, and read up to this point to figure out how not to have sex with the wrong guy.
Guys and girls, or should I say men and women, look at sex very differently. The naked truth is that until a man gets married, he looks at sex not as an act dealing with emotions and connections, but as a physical act that makes him feel good. Sex feels good, so to continue getting this feeling, we tend to try and get as much of that feeling as we can, with no intentions of giving our hearts to that woman. Women look at it the other way around most of the time. Giving up your body to a guy is something most women value so they genuinely think that if they do have sex with a guy, they’re giving up a part of themselves to that guy, and for him not to be that guy they thought he was can be heartbreaking. The bottom line is if you haven’t been with him for at least two to three months, I wouldn’t even think about having sex with him. That’s if you don’t feel like you can wait until marriage. I understand these days that realistically a guy probably won’t wait that long. Guys will press you saying, “If you love me then we should be able to make love.” I’m sure there are many people who believe in love at first sight. I believe it’s more like lust at first sight. You can’t truly know a person from the moment you meet them. And if a person tells you they love you after a short time, they probably aren’t being truthful. Women may feel like they love you, but we all get caught up in the newness of a relationship. And if the sex is good that only heightens the sensation of that feeling. So in a few months this is your soul mate, and then at around six months to a year their true colors begin to show, and only then do you realize that it was a bad mistake. A couple of months isn’t that long. If a guy can’t wait for a couple of months at least he just wants to have sex with you. Now if you’re one of those girls that loves sex like guys, and if that’s all you’re going for, then this doesn’t apply to you. But guys don’t like a woman with a lot of miles on her, so be careful not to get that reputation. Save something for the guy you want to be yours. A lot of guys can tell when you have been worked over pretty good. This causes problems in a lot of relationships. People start having sex before they even get the chance to know each other, and the crazy thing is most women won’t even make you use a condom. Afterwards they say things like “they were just in the moment.” In my past, I was the one who pressed the issue about condoms with women. They liked the fact that I cared about their well-being, but they weren’t at all concerned whether I did or didn’t use one. That’s crazy as this is your life we’re talking about. Most women feel like they can trust you when they feel you’re ready for that part of the relationship. Make him earn your love and affection. Of course he loves you when he’s in it. You can get him to say a lot of things, and everyone will admit that sex is a beautiful thing. Truth be told it’s supposed to be a gift of marriage.
For people in a committed relationship, or who are married, the word no shouldn’t come up. I know everyone has boundaries, but if you guys are together, be totally open to trying anything once. If you don’t want him paying attention to other women, then you have to do that porn star stuff your guy likes. I’m not talking about a guy you have been with for a few months. I’m talking about a long serious relationship. It doesn’t matter what background we come from, or what our current status is, men like a woman in the streets and a freak in the sheets. If your man asks you to try something, this isn’t the time to be a goodie-two shoes. Men have short attention spans. Even though he loves you, if the sex isn’t enjoyable, one of those ratchet chicks, or ugly chicks will be servicing him. Remember, those ugly chicks can make a guy’s toes curl. I know it doesn’t make sense why cheating guys go for those types, but many guys have explained it to me that way. It’s simply fulfilling a physical need. In most cases, he doesn’t love them, he’s just fulfilling a sexual desire. Men need sex. It is one of the few things we have to have in a relationship. You don’t have to do it, but the truth of the matter is that someone is going to get it done, whether that’s you or not. Don’t withhold sex from him and then wonder why he cheated on you. The woman who’s graduated will understand this. That’s why she will keep her guy on point. Of course, as men get older their sexual appetites aren’t what they used to be when they were seventeen. But even though guys’ bodies change, he still needs sex, so give it to him.
Another thing is that we men sometimes tend to cum quick. I know this sometimes pisses women off. But if you want more sex after this, don’t leave it to him to try and get back hard. Get back on it. Don’t get mad, just help us out. If you are understanding about this, your guy will be appreciative. If you finally got the good man, make sure you’re the only thing on his mind. He will love the fact that you fit the description of the strong woman, and you can put it down in the bedroom. You’ll have equity in this man forever, provided you don’t lose sight of the fact that men need sex. Also, no matter how pretty you think you are, don’t be boring during sex and just lie there. Lazy sex is not exciting. Maybe the next time it won’t be you on his mind when you guys are having sex. Maybe he will be thinking of some other woman. And maybe it won’t even be you that he’s having sex with. It’ll probably be with that other woman he thought about when he was having that boring round of sex with you. I’ve talked to a few women who said that guys should be grateful they’re even letting men have a conversation with them, much less have sex with them. They figured all they had to do was lie there and look pretty. Really? Men have short attention spans. Being boring makes it much easier to forget about you. On to the next one is the mentality there.
Another super important thing that people in relationships don’t usually practice is communicating about sex. Yes, talk about it. Women often don’t want to tell a guy if they don’t like something about sex and so they just deal with it or leave. If you tell him with care, you can say something like this: “Baby, I want our sexual experience to be mind blowing, and I’d like you to kiss me on my neck more,” or, “I’d like more foreplay,” or “You’ve been neglecting the twins, and I really like when you pay them some attention, as that really, really turns me on.” Say it while looking him in the eyes seductively. Anything that turns on his woman, he won’t hesitate to do. We like the thought of knowing we are pleasing our women. It is one of our manly goals, to satisfy our women, or to make them cum uncontrollably and non-stop. Lots of guys think they have been doing it right for a long time. When I was younger, in one of my earlier relationships, there was something a woman was doing that I didn’t like, but I didn’t want to say anything because I thought it would make her uncomfortable. But one day we were lying in bed, and I whispered in her ear, “I love the way you make me feel,” and when she hugged me tighter, and pulled me closer, I told her that although I loved the way she made me feel, I didn’t like it when she did whatever it was I didn’t like. I told her that I wanted her to tell me if there was ever anything that she didn’t like, and then I said, “Okay, it’s your turn.” And though she seemed surprised at first, she went on to tell me some things, and we fixed them, and the sex improved dramatically. She thanked me later for letting her know, and I did the same. You never know sometimes what your girl or your guy doesn’t like. Whatever you do to please may have worked on the other ninety percent of your other relationships, but maybe this guy or girl is different.
This next point is a pretty touchy subject. When women have kids, after the child is born and the recovery period is over, often a woman’s sex drive decreases. They may not feel as sexy as they used to, so men, it’s up to you to make her feel comfortable with her new curves. Kiss her all over and tell her you love her just the way she is. Take more time to explore her body and massage, caress, and conduct foreplay to show her how much you still love making love to her. If she doesn’t like her body then suggest that you both go to the gym to get back in shape. Try to be comforting and understanding about her weight gain, because if you don’t it may decrease the amount of sex you get. She won’t feel sexy around you, and therefore she probably won’t be in the mood for sex as often as she used to be. Just be supportive and do everything you can to make her feel comfortable. Some women’s confidence and maybe their self-esteem suffer post-partum, which is normal.