Driver Instructor Story
Bill: (Thinking to himself) This is a predominantly white neighborhood. This student will probably be white. She is 16, I hope this doesn’t create any problems.
Stopping in front of the address he has on file he taps his horn lightly. A thin white young lady in a miniskirt up to her waist steps out of the house. A lady, probably her mother, comes to the door. Suddenly she comes out also.
Mom: Susan, that skirt is just too short.
Susan: Mom I only have 45 minutes for this lesson, I don’t have time to change now.
Bill: (Sizing up the situation, gets out of the car) Hi Susan, wait by the car. I’ll speak with your mom. (Walking up to Susan’s mom) Ma’am Is there a problem?
Mom: Yes, that shirt is just too short.
Bill: We don’t have a lot of time to discuss this so let’s get right to the point. You were in the house with her wearing that skirt before I pulled up and it was okay then, right.
Mom: Well, yes.
Bill: Could it be you’re worried about something sexual happening because I am a black man?
Mom: Well, ok, maybe.
Bill: Well let me put your mind at ease. I am six feet 220 pounds. Your daughter appears to be about 5 feet maybe 110 pounds. If she makes any advances I assure you, I am strong enough to fight her off.
Mom: (Waving, smiling at Susan). It’s okay honey. (Turns and goes back into the house)
Bill: (After returning to the car). Next lesson wear pants or a longer skirt for your mom’s sake.
Susan: I will.
He Can’t Catch Us in That Thing
(Louis and Bill are headed Westbound on Highway 40. Louis has his new Cadillac on the highway for the first time).
Bill: I think you just passed a patrolman back there.
Louis: That old car? We’ll be in Kansas City by the time he gets it started.
Bill: Now you know I don’t like a lot of speeding.
Louis: We can probably lose him at 80 m.p.h. Do you see him?
Bill: (Looking back). Yes, he seems to be pacing you.
Louis: I am going to step it up a bit. Where is he now?
Bill: About the same distance. (Glancing at the speedyou’re at 100, slow down.
Louis: That’s a steep fine. I may as well go ahead and outrun him now. We have nothing but straight road ahead. (Pressing the accelerator to the floor). Where is he now, can you still see him?
Bill: Yes, I see him. He’s closing on you like you’re sitting still.
Louis: (In disbelief) What? I don’t believe it.
Officer with lights flashing, passes and waves for Louis to pull over.
Louis: (Pulling over) What the bleep does he have under the hood of that old antique?
After coasting a considerable distance the officer stops, making sure Louis is close behind him on the highway shoulder. He walks slowly back to us.
Officer: You fellows in a big hurry or something?
Louis: Was I speeding?
Officer: I don’t think we have a 140-m.p.h. speed limit out her. That’s what you were doing when I passed you. (To Louis) I need to see your driver’s license. (Louis hands it to him) (After casually examining the license, he returns it to him. Then he motions toward his car) You fellows come with me. (Sensing our apprehension) I want to show you something.
Reluctantly we get out and follow him. He walks to the front of his car and raises the hood.
Louis: What the heck is that? (Louis had never seen anything like the motor and pipes etc. under the hood)
Officer: My son used to race professionally and he customized this for me. I can catch anything up to about 230 m.p.h. So far, I haven’t chased anyone I couldn’t catch.
He enjoyed showing off his toy. His toy was definitely faster than ours. After all, that was what this was all about) He didn’t issue a violation, just a warning. We made sure that we obeyed the speed limit returning from Kansas City.
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