If for no other reason, Mr. Maurice avoids sports and strenuous exercise because of the possibility that such an activity might make him sweat. Or perspire. Naturally, he prefers the latter word, which has a more fluid, genteel tone.
Better yet, he wishes to avoid the prospect of experiencing such a phenomenon, even though he is not entirely sure that his physical makeup–having been knitted rather than born–would be conducive to perspiring.
Furthermore, participation in sports often means being too close for comfort to other pigs or persons. Let’s face it, can we possibly picture the urbane, sophisticated Mr. Maurice strutting in a locker room, vying for space with burly, perspiring athletes? Hardly. He does like to strut, true; but only in civilized circumstances.
Though not a participant, and far from a fan, Maurice will watch a sport occasionally on TV, provided that it appears to have some mental element and not be strictly a test of physical skills. As a demonstration of physical prowess and individual achievement, Maurice concedes that athletic endeavors have a valid purpose.
Of course, he veers far off the conventional mark in his attitude toward competitive team sports. To wit, he could not care less who wins–and certainly not which city or school’s team happens to emerge victorious. No, Maurice appreciates the artistic demonstrations of skill, but not the emphasis on winning at all costs, to benefit one’s locale more than oneself.
Of course, when he sees a prime athlete on TV, Maurice invariably remarks that he could do the same thing, just as capably. He just doesn’t want to. Not at this time. No one, needless to say, would dare to question the veracity of his proclamation.
Maurice is not fond of professional athletes, who reap fabulous salaries for playing a game. He especially deplores many of the professionals seen on TV, who behave–in his humble opinion–like rich, whiny brats. Mr. Maurice does not take kindly to brats, especially when they’re wealthy. He also frets about the adulation shown by youngsters toward favorite athletes. Admire their skills, yes. But idolize and revere them? Maurice admires intensity among young people, but would rather see it directed toward more meaningful pursuits.
Getting down to specifics, at various times, Maurice has been intrigued by curling (though he’s not quite sure how this event, with its broom-wielding players, qualifies as an actual sport). He’s been stimulated by the ceaseless action of rugby. Then too, being a pig with an eye for the ladies, he’s been known to gaze for long periods at episodes of women’s volleyball, especially when played by ladies in skimpy swimsuits.
Naturally, he is known to his compatriots as a “sport,” and even a “good sport.” But that hardly means he is willing to strain himself in the participation of some physically-taxing contest. Nor does it mean he cares to watch and cheer along with “the boys” on a weekend afternoon.
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