Okay, let’s get one thing straight. I didn’t write this book to de-convert anyone. Over the years I’ve been asked more and more how I went from being a nerdy little Star Wars obsessed Catholic school boy to a geeky undercover teen atheist to a mulleted Bible thumper playing bass in an evangelical heavy metal band to a (somewhat) mild-mannered tattooed atheist English teacher. Whenever someone pestered me for details, I always sighed impatiently and said, “It’s a really long story. I’ll write a book about it someday. I promise.” Now, after repeating this oath a bazillion or two times, frankly, I’m tired of stalling. So, instead of procrastinating more, FUCK IT! Here ya go. I done wrote a book about it. If it pisses you off: blame the people who nagged me to write it. But if it provokes thought, introspection, and laughter: YOU'RE WELCOME!