Authorpreneur Dashboard – Lynne Podrat
Listen To Me: How My Down syndrome Brother Saved My Life
Biographies & Memoirs
Lynne Podrat's poignant memoir "Listen To Me" shares her deeply personal journey as the devoted guardian of her Down syndrome brother Bruce. With raw honesty and heart, Lynne navigates the challenges and joys of caring for Bruce over decades, from his birth in 1973 through his battle with advanced pancreatic cancer in the 1990s. This beautifully written book intimately explores the complex world of disabilities through Lynne's eyes. It delves into the lack of institutional support, societal stigma, and constant caregiving pressures families face. Yet Lynne's unwavering love and advocacy for Bruce shines through, even during his dialysis treatments and cancer treatments. Full of warmth and wisdom, "Listen To Me" emphasizes the gifts Bruce brought into Lynne's life - a sense of purpose, an expanded family, and a deeper understanding of unconditional love. Their tender Sunday visits and Lynne's efforts to include Bruce in family activities reveal the profound, often overlooked humanity in individuals with disabilities. Lynne's courageous memoir highlights the incredible resilience of families and the power of hope in the darkest times. Her story will resonate deeply with readers, inviting them into the raw, beautiful world of disabilities. Most of all, "Listen To Me" is a soaring testament to Lynne's beloved brother Bruce, who - despite life's cruelties - saved her in ways she never imagined.
Book Bubbles from Listen To Me: How My Down syndrome Brother Saved My Life
Expectations
I have come to a point in my life where some expectations are no longer that, they have become requirements. "What is the difference?" you ask. Expectations are negotiable and can be layered until fully attained. Requirements are non-negotiable deal breakers. There is no compromise. With Bruce, as with all challenged learners, we have expectations of success and offer steps with positive reinforcement. However, expectations are subjective between those educating and supporting, hence negotiable. My parents and the School board's expectations were my requirements. Reading, problem-solving, dressing, tying shoes, participating in conversations, Bar- Mitzvah lessons were non-negotiable. To negotiate would mean compromise and Bruce's loss of opportunity for inclusion. We could compromise on the length of his readings based on his skill level. We could compromise on complexity, but not on living his life
Listening
Our plans to open the world for Bruce, whom we thought need us became so much more. Look what listening, patience, and keeping an open mind can afford all of us to see this world through digfferent eyes. In his own sweet way, through the eyes of ever a child, Bruce taught us what it felt to have a loving relationship. He cared for everyone unconditionally sharing his joy in simple day to day things with anyone who would join him. Never giving in to competition Bruce was OK with not always being the star getting just as much pleasure from other's stardom. I will always be listening to this sweet man
Secret To Relationships
Our plans to open the world for Bruce, whom we thought need us became so much more. Look what listening, patience, and keeping an open mind can afford all of us to see this world through digfferent eyes. In his own sweet way, through the eyes of ever a child, Bruce taught us what it felt to have a loving relationship. He cared for everyone unconditionally sharing his joy in simple day to day things with anyone who would join him. Never giving in to competition Bruce was OK with not always being the star getting just as much pleasure from other's stardom. I will always be listening to this sweet man
Listening
I often wonder how to explain the difference between hearing what others say and truly listening to what they are saying. My husband tells me, "I heard you!!" When asked if he is listening. "Really, tell me what I said." Is my reply. Most often he repeats some version of what he has heard. Notice I say version because it is not exact. He has no hearing issues, he knows I was speaking to him, but listening was not happening. Every one wants to feel that what they say is important. Why bother expressing yourself if no one is Listening!!! We often forget everyone also means those who may speak differently. We need to listen harder to them
Special Memories
Moving into adulthood comes with many priviledges and, unfortunately, losses. Dealing with family illness and ultimately loss triggers memories, fond and not so great. Depending on your outlook on life, memories help us cope with loss and transitional changes in our lives. Memories can manifest in a variety of ways, dreams, deja vu moments, or daydreams. I, for one, savor every memory of my brother, the good and the bad. My memory is still sharp so I have the advantage of remembering everything from the time my baby brother was born. Bruce lived in his memories enjoying pictures of us and stories of the past. i see the same joy in my grandchildren, while they listen to stories of the past and flip through photo albums. Memories, they keepour lived ones alive
Staying True to One's Self
Humans pride themselves on the importance of honesty, with their friends, spouse, children, and co-workers. What about ourselves? Are we always honest with ourselves, our dreams, goals, passions, pursuits? Is it honest to "stay the course" because that was the 5 year goal beginning with our dream college and now this is it, so what's the problem? Or, is recognizing our path may need us to modify those goals, while still carrying the same passion towards a career even more satisfying, and, therefore more successful. We make things so much more complicated than necessary sometimes. I marveled at the simplicity whith which my brother, Bruce lived his life. Please don't misunderstand, living with a disability is neither easy nor comfortable. But, Bruce was comfortable and confident within himself. He knew his strengths and weaknesses, played to his strengths and charmed others into helping. He was the perfect example of staying true to himself. I have never looked back at the change in the focus of my career and know my heart is full having helped Bruce and hundreds of children feel successful.
Differences are Good
Everyone is different, strengths, weaknesses, interests and energy. We walk different speeds, eat at different speeds, even process information at different speeds. Yet, we are all accepted until one person makes a remark. One comment to single out that difference and the world of acceptance changes. Patience is no longer offered, support is lost, and a "nickname" may be given. Not all slower processing means special needs and not all special needs individuals are slower at processing. Although I walk much faster than my husband, burning more calories and getting much more accomplished in less time, he does end up getting to where he is going accomplishing just as much, just taking more time.
Patience and Flexibility
Everyone is different, strengths, weaknesses, interests and energy. We walk different speeds, eat at different speeds, even process information at different speeds. Yet, we are all accepted until one person makes a remark. One comment to single out that difference and the world of acceptance changes. Patience is no longer offered, support is lost, and a "nickname" may be given. Not all slower processing means special needs and not all special needs individuals are slower at processing. Although I walk much faster than my husband, burning more calories and getting much more accomplished in less time, he does end up getting to where he is going accomplishing just as much, just taking more time.
Appreciating Milestones Though the Heartache
Children are positive lights, offering an outlook on life not all can appreciate in the thick of things. David and I were that light, having no experience with what is "normal" We loved our baby brother and reveled in sharing our lives together every day. So, as the big sister, twice and new big brother, Bruce's accomplishments/milestones only brought laughter and joy. Who is not affected by a baby's laugh, or excited once that baby recognizes your voice and face, reaching his arms out to you to be held and hugged. I still smile thinking of the mornings Bruce crawled into bed with me. David and I are so fortunate to have not only been young enough to only know hope, but old enough to have those precious memories with us still
Compassion and Insight
Compassion, for many, does not come naturally. However, for my brother, it was ever flowing as for all down Syndrome individuals. So many are quck to judge those with special needs, or as they call them, handicaps. Yet, think about the game of golf, not a great player?, you are given a handicap to encourage you through the game in order to get better. So, handicaps are not always a negative. They can offer an opportunity to meet you at your confidence level so you are able to meet the challenge. Compassion, a way to meet individuals on their level so they feel confident. Yes, my brother had the gift of compassion
Positive Influence
When dealing with special needs individuals, we tend to forget they do think and have minds of their own. Hence when you hear the claim, "They are so stubborn." They, are not any more stubborn than you or I when we have dug our heals in about something. The difference is a range of abilities to understand/comprehend new facts to influence changing our minds. Minds change because something or someone has convinced us to change them. With Bruce, just as with my children or students, someone they care for and trust can offer influence, or believing they are missing out on something can do the trick. Bruce was driven by both.
Everyone Can Learn
Special needs does not mean inability to learn. Special needs means learning differently and, quite honestly, not one of my social cirlce of friends handles any new situation the same. This pandemic and Zoom are perfect examples. Think about our new normal. I spent hours in 2021 teaching educated, intelligent adults how to join a zoom meeting. Why hours? Because people have different learning styles and backgrounds of knowledge, no different form those with special needs. Brucie was capable of learning, demonstrated by our hours of working together. Do those with downs have levels of learning? Of course as do all individuals. Every one is not a genius, nor gifted. Everyone cannot be a leader. We must have followers or there will be no one to lead. But, everyone, given time and positive encouragement can learn and do learn!! You just have to "Listen" to what they need.
Capacity for Love
Those with Downs have an amazing capacity for unconditional love and forgiveness. My brother hadn't seen my parents in fifteen months, not one visit and very few phone calls unless Bruce was with me. Yet, the excitement of seeing our mom was palatable. There were no questions of, "Why did they leave?, Why don"t they call?, just sheer joy of reconnecting. So much of the world my brother could not understand, yet he appreciated those in the hospital needed a gift, a special gift. Such inate sensitivity and compassion for someone he loved. What a gift he and all downs individuals offer to this world.
How to Make Friends and Influence People
When given love and positive support early in life, those with special needs develop the confidence to socialize appropriatley within society. Being different does not create the feelings of being inferior. Siblings are amazing role models offering hands on examples that can take the burden off parents who may be struggling with having a special needs child. Bruce was the epitome of self confidence and personality. He loved the world drawing people to his happy outlook on life. Be assured, he was also intuitive enough to recognize those not so comfortable with "differences" and worked his magic to make them believers.
Leaving No One Behind
The Armed forces motto, No Man Left Behind exemplifies my drive to ensure this never happened to my special needs baby brother. I tried to pull an excerpt to allow the readers to sample an example of his "specialness" and demonstrate how, with humor, guidelines and respect he was able to think through actions and correct the situation. When we truly listen to each other, treat each other with respect and have higher expectation, amazing accomplishments do happen. Special needs people are truly special, having much to be offer society.
