Authorpreneur Dashboard – Akiva Hersh
Boy in the Hole
Literature & Fiction
Jacob is a boy growing up in the seventies from the Deep South who emerges from a family of sexual deviancy and alcoholism masked by religion and wealth. Aided by a tribe of mentors, he learns to define who he is but struggles to find the balance between religion and sexuality. To embrace his true identity, Jacob must go on an exodus to face his demons and overcome the pressures to conform. BOY IN THE HOLE is a gripping account of a boy wrestling to understand himself, his family, and the world in which he lives. It is a cathartic tale of an adolescent refusing to accept his parents' toxic beliefs and the messages of self-hate from religion and society.
Book Bubbles from Boy in the Hole
People Crave Chemical Reactions
Humans are tribal. But sometimes we need more than a group of like-minded people to make a home in this world. Sometimes we crave a spark, a reaction, an explosion--first from without then from within--that frees us to be more of ourselves.
A Child Views Christmas Differently Than Mom
A child anticipates Christmas with excitement--the blinking lights, the candy canes, the red and green packages stimulate their imaginations. Parents approach Christmas first with hope; they want to see their children's faces beaming with delight. Then comes the anxiety; they worry about finances, guests, preparing the food. Finally, when the day comes, they are exhausted. Jacob sees the silver tinsel and his imagination creates a science fiction scene that beguiles him (he should be cleaning up his toys). Rose, his mother, pushes the vacuum with great force because she is in a hurry to make a good impression on her in-laws. One event. Two Perspectives.
A Sexuality Awakened
It is in early childhood where we have our initial flashes of revelation about our sexuality. We don't know when these events occur that our heart is trying to reveal something to us. Children simply experience the sensations. As we get a little older, thoughts go through our mind, zipping around like lightning bugs illuminating the dark forest in a fleeting green blip. We cannot make out the full scene but we know something is being shown to us.
Holidays Magnify Family Drama
Holidays with extended families can be such an ordeal, often much more work than the payoff is worth. Elaine and Thomas Sr., Rose's in-laws, have come to stay for Christmas. Rose and Edwin have just built a new home. Rose demurred over the niceties in her house because Edwin's brother, Tommy, and his family lived by much better means; Elaine was always much more comfortable staying with them. Rose and Edwin endure lectures from each of their parents. These pontifications seem to intensify during holiday get-togethers. In this scene, we see Rose knows how to manage her mother-in-law in a very limited way--she gives in, remains obedient, but her respect is passive-aggressive. It works the same way with her own parents. Elaine, too, is passive-agressive. Her husband never built her a sun-screened porch, but he gave Edwin and Rose the money to add one on to their house. Sometimes kindness is a breeding ground for jealousy and resentment.
Sometimes We Inherit Our Parents' Problems
Jacob is just three years old in this scene. He is about to eat a roach. This is something children do; adults are incensed that children do these things--eat bugs. But his mother's scolding sets the stage for irrational fears to fester in his unconscious mind. Jacob develops Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by the time he's in elementary school (see blog post about that here: akivahersh.com/blog/obsessivecompulsivedisorder) and it only gets worse as he grows up. Parental messages can be internalized in disastrous ways. This gets reflected in Edwin's thoughts about Rose. His family's obsession with success colors the way he views his own wife.
A Divided Front
Most parents struggle to find a unified parenting philosophy. In Boy in the Hole, however, conflict and disunity were the trademarks of Rose and Edwin's style. When Rose couldn't manipulate Edwin with her volume, she resorted to striking out with painful insults. Nothing was sacred: not his childhood, not the emotional damage he incurred in the Vietnam war, nor the growing list of failures she collected like grocery store stamps to cash in and deflate him completely.
Unexpected Intrusions
Jacob guards his feelings. Yet, in nature, and by water specifically, he analyzes events and their consequences. On the one hand, Jacob is afraid of his sexuality being discovered, but on the other hand he craves the contact and intimacy that can only manifest through vulnerability. The conflict is too much. As he watches the ebb and flow of the ocean he understands his feelings have changed--not by choice--but by his concern for what people will think of him.
